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Friday, November 30, 2007

Sports on the other hand...

...may be the opiate of the masses, but this is still awesome.

"Death by Firing Squad"

Religion is no longer the opiate of the masses, it is now firmly the island of the retarded, an island that needs to be sunk to the bottom of the ocean.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Stupid Wins Again

I'm calling for it right now, war with Sudan. Notice the judge's name. Why aren't his parents in jail?

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Flying Suit

Lash Worthy Post

One thing is for certain: Sudan isn't run by irrational idiots and Islam is definitely the religion of peace. Also, God hates teddy bears and 7 year olds.

Can we please take every leader in the world, dump them in a hole in the ground, and cover it with concrete? Please? This, the Nazis, and the War On Terror have conclusively proven that humanity cannot handle the responsibility of making its own decisions. It's time for the Martians to help out a little, because we are lost.

According to the Columbia Encyclopedia, by the way, Muhammad (in it's variations) is "probably the most common given name" in the world. It is estimated that more than 15 million people bear it. Whips and prison for all of them, I say.

Monday, November 26, 2007

More Lies

Don't you have to have a heart to have a problem with it?

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

People...

...are fucked up.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Saturday, November 17, 2007

She Was Asking For It

Let's get real people.  How can you call it rape, the girl is 14 years old - and she's family fuck's sake.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Pray v. Gay

God brought the rain.  It must have been the gays that caused the drought.

Like Flies To Shit

This entire article is worth reading, but below is a quote that tells you what kind of guy Charles Taylor is:

His commanders would force boys to kill their parents or other family members, breaking the ultimate taboo, then ply them with methamphetamines, marijuana and other drugs to keep their killing instincts keen. Often their pay came in the form of a license to rape and plunder.
Yet even as he undermined traditional respect for elders, he subtly substituted himself in those elders' place, simultaneously enthralling and enslaving a generation of young boys who slaughtered on his behalf.
This explains his supporters' chilling election campaign cry in 1997: "He killed my ma, he killed my pa, I'll vote for him."


Ditto this article, which is even better:

Children, some as young as eight, were forced to batter their parents to death, then eat their brains before being sent to the front or used as sex slaves. Anything to terrorise the civilian population.
Women's vaginas were sewn up with fishing lines, villagers' mouths clamped shut with padlocks. Drug-crazed soldiers would rip open pregnant women's stomachs after taking bets on the sex of the foetus, then parade the little heads on pikes. At least one man was skinned alive before his flesh was picked off and eaten. Thousands of young girls and women were repeatedly raped, thousands more people burned alive in their thatched-roofed homes. Between 50,000 and 200,000 were killed and more than a third of Sierra Leone's 6m people forced to flee.


More telling and frankly more damning, though, is this one.

Thus, I guess we can safely assume, Al Qaeda is for Giuliani.

How Did We Miss This?

My only question is whether this picture was taken before or after she was beaten to death.

Finally

The greatest words evered uttered in the history of humanity.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

How Stupid Can We Get?

This stupid

And guess who won't be going to jail?

Bill Brasky's Life Work

...has finally reached fruition. Congrats, Mr. Brasky!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Idiots

I think the Pacman Jones approach to "makin' it rain" is more effective, and more fun, too.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Friday, November 09, 2007

Goliath...

...meet David.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Hold on Pat ...

Wasn't it Guilianni's pro-gay stance that caused 9/11?  

My Puss

Ode to a Pervert

"...and i want a little cred for all these brilliant articles i send you."

Over the past few months yours truly, Jenny Topeka, has posted several articles of varying brilliance. While most of these are found on my own, on occasion I get submissions from my loving fan base. One such fan, who shall be known as Bard Blet to maintain anonymity, emailed me the above statement and link today. While I question this man's moral integrity an ethos, I do not question these sentiments. Because of excessive pride, jealousy, and greed, I have decided to steal "brilliant" links like these and never once think of giving credit to the finder. Well, even Jenny Topeka can admit when she is wrong. I bring to you today, Thursday November 8th, the man, the myth, the legend, BARD BLET, in a little section I like to call, Guess the Venereal Disease. Oh, and I would like to preface this with by ruling out HPV for all entries, as Bard Blet passes this disease around like a box of Runts in movie theater.



A tough one to start things off, as this one does not lend too much to work off of. Bard has certainly found himself in a seedy bar, most likely on a Tuesday, with one of the locals. Dressed in his finest puke-green bowling shirt, Bard looks to have found an easy target. My guess is that Mr. Blet knocked these pins down on the first shot, and was rewarded with a twinge of gonorrhea.




Here we find Bard classing it up in a bowling alley drinking out of a plastic cup fraternizing with a girl who obviously loves men in tweed baseball caps who cant see straight. You know what else Bard will have trouble seeing tonight? The genital warts he is contracting.


OK things are getting a little easier now, or are they? At first glance one would assume that this cougar is a hotbed of venereal disease. Taking that thought a step further however, you realize that this mature momma probably has an arsenal of pills, creams, antibiotics, lotions, diaphrams, condoms, and various things ending in "-icide" to protect a village of whores from contracting even the common cold. What is the one little bugger she can't quite live without besides the random drunk 24-year old she meets at Jimmy's on Friday night? You guessed it, the crab louse.


Is anyone else picking up a pattern in the type of women this man of mystery Bard Blet is attracted to? I feel this blog entry might as well serve as a public service announcement to all barely legal blonds living in the midwest. Tonight Bard is sporting the adidas cap and hipster glasses, which can only mean one thing - he means business. Too bad he is not in the business of buying and selling non-gonococcal urethritis, because the slightly pained look behind Ms. Oklahoma's eyes screams urethral pain.


Dried maximum hold guido hair gel crust on his pillow, an empty container of vasoline, a bleeding rectum, one terribly goofy picture forever saved on the internet, and of course, AIDS.






There ya go Brad Belt, err I mean Bard Blet, BARD BLET!!

We Got Em!

Starting in 1964 humankind has been on a mission that makes Apollo look like a walk in the park.  Last week, the mission was accomplished.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Christmas - Scrubs style. F'ing hilarious!

The long and short of it.

Sometimes this universe is so amazing the imagination can hardly begin to comprehend the scope or majesty of it all, other times it just seems like it's out to get you.

Monday, November 05, 2007

The Times They Are a Changin'

1,000 years ago this girl would be probably be hailed as the reincarnation of Vishnu and be carried around on one of those wooden platforms reserved for people too good to use their own feet.

Today, we still don't want this person to use their legs, which is ironic because she has like 15 of them I think - until they cut them all off.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Saturday, November 03, 2007

The Best Celebrity Fall Ever

As long as he doesn't mean "you fuckin scum-ni***r without a soul,"  he must not be racist.

Friday, November 02, 2007

What is wrong with our society

Our society is rapidly evolving (or devolving one might contend) into one where the focus has shifted almost entirely towards each individual member as opposed to identification with a larger group or set of ideals. The common man may now blog about what is happening outside his window (and arrogantly presume other people actually care) , set up a myspace or facebook profile which can be read around the globe, or even put their collection of music on itunes for the world to listen to. But this is nothing new to anyone who is living during this era. Hell, even Time Magazine called attention to it last year. Is this a bad thing? Heck, I don't know. The yin to the yang that this is certainly had its pitfalls - take for example the extreme Nationalism that spurred WWI and WWII.

So here is the problem that has been created: When all the focus and attention is shifted to extreme individualism there seems to be a need to carefully craft the persona you want to project out into the world, instead of just being yourself - even if you think that person is too plain, stupid, boring, or ordinary. And who are you appealing to? Other self-absorbed assholes it seems to me. Instead of honestly listing the movies, books or songs they enjoy, these hollowed-out souls carefully select ones which will make them seem more intellectual, high-brow, or creative. Instead of actually being intellectual and creative, they have settled to simply convey that on their myspace page. Sadly, I think this could signal the death of true individualism. Where is our Bob Dylan? What ever happened to our Mark Twain, TS Elliot, or even Marilyn Monroe? I think they have gotten lost in a sea of pretenders trying to trick others into thinking they are cast from the same mold. Anyways, I present Exhibit A. You be the judge, but I am pretty sure that we all know this guy in one form or another, and he is a poser dipshit.

I defy anyone to make sense of some of this "writing". Take, for example, this "sentence":

"ate july and the front pages of national papers are screaming choruses of mounting kraken songs — "pugnacious and hungry, humbolts stretch tentacles into california"; "killer squid invasion!" last summer it was the world cup, this year a cthulhu-driven death count - bloody beaked leitmotif to chinatown happy hours with History (bearded), married but without ring — allergic to selenium."

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Speaking of people obviously in denial...


...remember these assholes? Time to pay the piper.

(This would have been a little better if Jenny hadn't sandwiched her equally gay post in between. Who the fuck cares about KU besides an oft -date-raped sorority wench like her?)

KU Bolsters '08 Class

And you thought the University of Kansas was strictly a football school? Not so fast, son. KU is looking to maintain it's decade of dominance over the NCAA by adding some very highly touted kids this week.

Official Cackamasaurus Fact

There are more gay republicans than stars in the sky.