Thursday, December 21, 2006

Final 'Potter' Title Announced

i've got one, harry potter and the shitstorm doppler

washington post

Friday, December 15, 2006

why is science always telling me things i hate

this article is trying to say we are all related. as long as i ain't related to the swiss, i'll believe it. otherwise, fuck it.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

"joy" ride

"a man stole a bait vehicle* and was able to drive it from Leesburg to Southeast Washington because of technical difficulties. Police eventually got the suspect, minutes after the camera caught him smoking crack and masturbating. He had spent part of his ride urinating in a soda can, then drinking his urine to try to quell a case of the hiccups. He also vomited twice."

-washington post

* a car rigged with cameras and left in a conspicous place to get "stolen." when some poor bastard takes it, the police are alerted, the cameras turn on, the doors lock, and the engine shuts off.

Monday, December 11, 2006

the stupidest sentence ever written in the english language

"Space shuttle Discovery, slated to launch Dec. 7, will carry Thai chicken and two other dishes devised by Food Network star and TV talk show host Rachael Ray. They're the first meals from a food celebrity to fly on the shuttle."(emphasis added - brain exploding)

thank you USA today

finally, a chance for peace

read this article.
it is truly a great day when the germans, the french, the KKK, and the ultra-orthodox jews can all come together with a "vision" for the future. god bless Amer... wait ... Iran? fuck that.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Tuesday, February 28, 2006


And so, Jesse Donald Knotts, in accordance with what I think your dying wishes might well have been, I honor you here on cackamasaurus, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.

Monday, February 27, 2006

On the danish cartoon controversy

Batch: "The cartoon is not even funny; those fish-eating danes ain't got nothin' on Garfield. Did you see the movie starring Jennifer "Love those tits" Hewitt? That's entertainment!"

Sunday, February 26, 2006


Time magazine: "In spite of the Bush administration's continued calls to end the sectarian violence that has torn through Iraq since the explosion of the Golden Mosque in Samarra, another wave of killings shook the country today, spreading the dread of civil war like brush fire among both Sunnis and Shiites who are already on edge."

Batch: "I-raq, I-schmack, let them eat cack."
"Those people just need to get laid more."

Sunday, February 19, 2006

The Batch on Science

read this article first.
Here is Batch's review:

"I've know this about the freakin' krauts for years"

Loose Women are Less Up-Tight
"I wish more chicks read science stuff"

Pucker Up for Safety
"I'm lookin' for a prescription from Dr. Zeta-Jones"

Don't Blame the Plants
"Global warming is a flemish conspiracy"

British Intelligent Design
"The smartest thing to come out of a limey's mouth was Alfred Einstein's weenis"

Friday, February 17, 2006

Batch's Ten Most "Pathological" Lies

This is an ongoing project, so email any suggestions
1. "I'll be there."
2. "Yes grandma, I am an architect."
3. "I won [playing poker] tonight."
4. "I'm gonna come visit in (pick a month)."
5. "I'll probably pull in about 60 g's this year."
6. "No, I don't have a girlfriend."
7. "I'll call you."

if this is true, batch must have an untapped wealth of knowledge

From the article, 'Sleeping on it' best for complex decisions

"The research suggests the conscious mind should be trusted only with simple decisions, such as selecting a brand of oven glove ... In contrast, the unconscious mind appears able to ponder over all the information and produce a decision that most people remain satisfied with."

full article here