56 year old virgin

No Manhattan!

Who can cab drivers pick up anymore? Now that white guys are a threat, white women are the last demographic that can safely be allowed in NYC taxi cabs - though Wayans style trickeration might make this unwise.

WHAT THE FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING FUCK!!???!!!???

"What are you gonna do for an encore, rape my mother while pouring sugar into my gas tank?"

Thank God For Iran

For keeping the nintendo-style bad guy aesthetic live and in effect.

How to be ridiculous

This type of silly urban planning is such a better idea than building exclusive, tree-shaped islands.

RUN, just fucking run

Oh my fucking god IT HAS HANDS!!! GIANT HAAAANDS!!!

Tickle my Vagina

Robots, pyramids

This can only end in awesome.
*a friend suggested reading the comments. You won't regret it.

News Item of the Week!!!!!!!

From the Southern California desk of Cackamasaurus: So another week of stories coming across my desk about our failing government, failing economy, failing environment, failing entertainment industry, our failing sports culture. So corrupt and destitute is the American cultural landscape these days it seems unfathomable that one might cull a story of hope and redemption out of the sewage heap that we wallow in. The storm clouds of hopelessness and cynicism have hung heavy over our heads for what seems like an eternity now. The heroes of yesterday, those singular individuals that punch rays of sunshine through the vast dreariness overhead seem to have disappeared from our lives completely. Then this motherfucker shows up and its clear skies for a far as the eye can see.... Thank you New Jersey.

Does This Make You Want To Watch Shark Week?

I just creeps me out.

Change iCan Believe In

It might be a sign that it's already too late when we plaudit a governmental act that allows us to do stuff we already thought we could do.

But hey, at least it's not bad news.

A couple of the new rules:

- allow owners of used cell phones to break access controls on their phones in order to switch wireless carriers.
- allow college professors, film students and documentary filmmakers to break copy-protection measures on DVDs so they can embed clips for educational purposes, criticism, commentary and noncommercial videos.

Where's Dershowitz Now?

Dear Professor Dershowitz,

I understand that you can't help every murderer and child molester that comes along, but I promise you that if you get me off, you'll seal the deal as the greatest defense attorney of all time.

It wouldn't even be that hard.  You could just use the playbook from the Epstein case. I basically did a lot of the same stuff, with the importing of children from overseas to have sex with and all.

What does a child rapist have to do to get some pro-bono up in this piece?

Sincerely,
Kevin Ricks

A question for the Oklahoma City readership

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Can you recommend a store that stocks some PRO-secular socialist siding, windows, and roofing? That's more what I'm in the market for these days.

Add This One To The "No-Shit" File

"workers on the Deepwater Horizon ... feared reprisals if they reported mistakes or other problems."

2 Live Crew Should Stay Away From Israel

"He told reporters that he is known by friends and family by the nickname Dudu, which is more commonly used by Jews called David."

You're Not Helping

In case you are not familiar with Alan Dershowitz, he is the "legal genius" that helped free O.J. back in the middle-ages (which is the modern term for the mid-nineties).  A few months ago Al (as I call him), in response to some Catholic dude's crazy rant about how "the jewish media" is to blame all the priest child rape hubub, took on the Catholic Church for being anti-semitic.  

Though making this point is as redundant as calling Henry Ford "anti-Chevy," sometimes it is useful to restate the obvious.  

I only wish that Al had thought back to his first year in law school and adopted the unclean hands doctrine to his public discourse - which basically says don't talk shit if you're covered in shit.  Why, you ask, am I comparing Al to a steaming pile of shit?